I Hate You
by Adrenalynn
Summary: Miharu is full of conflicting feelings about Yoite. He doesn't want to, but he can't help blaming him for everything, and for that he feels selfish. Set when they're on the run from the Kairoshuu; rated M just to be safe even though there's no actual sex (as far as I've planned). Grim and in places, quite depressing. The question is, which of them will fall apart first? Continuous.
1. Miharu

**My first proper continuous fanfic! (In the past, the only one I've ever done has been a short-drabbles one, not really a connecting-up story. This story is MxM so if you don't like, then go and hide under your bed. (Who am I kidding. If you clicked this, then obviously you like.) In this, Miharu behaves kind of OOC, but I wanted to make this as grim as possible so I'm sorry if his opinions shock you ^^; please don't flame me, I said I'm sorry. Personally, I find Yoite adorable. *hugs imaginary Yoite***

**Anyway, this is going to be continued ONLY if I get decent feedback, so if you want more then please review. I'll shut up now, or you'll probably get bored of me. XD**

Back curved gently; skin shining with sweat. Eyes closed, fluttering slightly as if in a distorted dream. Hair tousled, spread like a halo over the pillow. Naked. Pale like a statue, though you're more alive than that. Skinny and feeble, I can feel the sickness radiating from you. It disgusts me. You disgust me. You're going to die, and yet all you do is take. Dragging as many down with you as you can; you are to this world what a bruise is on a beautiful body.

There are bruises on your body. Dark, purply-black stains; a constant reminder of the sins you've committed. Disgusting. I hate you sometimes. Most of the time. You're so cruel to everyone. You're without a heart.

So why...

Why am I still holding you like this?

Your breath on my neck, tickling lightly, shaky and uneven as you continue to tremble with sickness. You're worn out. You've gone from lying distanced from me in a sleepy trance into a messy situation with me, and now you're worn out. Restless. Both of us are restless.

I don't think I'm as bad-off as you are, though. But I am sore.

You hurt me, Yoite. You hurt me just like you hurt everyone else, only this was different because you did it without pointing. You hurt me with your fingertips, your gentle caresses and the way I was expecting you to grab me hard when instead you held my shoulders gently. You hurt me when you tried to hug me afterwards; to encircle me with your bony arms, and I knew it was wrong and all I'd feel was pain so I shoved you away.

You hurt me with your eyes. Their blueness, staring right into me as you wriggled awkwardly away. Smiling sadly. You're trying to do the right thing, but it doesn't work.

I weakened in the end. Embraced you. Let you rest your head on my chest; let you listen to my heartbeat, so much healthier than yours. I held your dying body to my blossoming one and it feels as though you're sapping my energy slowly, killing me with every gentle breath you take.

I can't wait for you to die. For those sorrowful eyes to close for the last time; for your fearful and distrustful child's mind to be put to rest. But at the same time, I dread it.

Because I know what the sight of your body - still and cold, ashy pale and completely lifeless - is going to do to me. The knowledge that that dead shell will someday be the only thing that's left, and I'll never be able to capture anything of your heart or your humour through a photograph.

You hurt me, Yoite. In a way that can never be challenged or conquered.

You made me fall for you.

**And there we have it! In the next chapter, I'm thinking of maybe having them communicate a little more. **

**(If you didn't get what happened - this was written without much editing so I don't know if I put it across very well - then basically, Yoite seduced Miharu without really meaning to because he was at a fragile point and wanted comfort, Miharu obliged and they're lying there afterwards in pretty much complete regret. Sorry. I'll try and clear that up.)**


	2. Yoite

**Here we go again - chapter 2, finally! This time, it's written from Yoite's perspective.**

**I hope you like it **

When my eyes eventually drift open, the world around me is blurry, there's a dull tingling at the back of my neck and I feel like I'm about to throw up. Suddenly anxious, I blink a couple of times; the world is still fuzzy. Grey. Fuzzy and grey. My sight... no, not yet, not my sight...

Panic washes over me and I sit bolt upright, sparking a violent coughing fit which doubles me over. It's cold now that the blanket's half fallen away. I don't like cold, it makes me shake and shaking makes me feel sick. Coughing makes me feel sick too. Vision still fuzzy, I can vaguely make out the shapes of my hands and little splotches of red upon them. I shut my eyes and curl in on myself, trying desperately not to cry.

A small clatter from a corner of the room brings me out of my trance. I hesitantly open one eye, searching desperately for the source of the noise.

It's only Miharu.

_Miharu. _

It's then that I remember why I'm lying here like this, why my shirt's mysteriously disappeared and why I feel so achy all over. I screw up my eyes, feeling sicker than ever. What the hell's wrong with me at the moment? Miharu's my friend, why did I have to go and make things complicated between us?

"You're awake."

His voice is hazy, but I manage to make it out, which is fortunate as I can barely read his lips. A pang of fear courses through my chest as he makes his way over to me; I hadn't thought about what might happen once both my sight and my hearing are gone. Miharu puts a hand to my shoulder - gentle, reassuring - and I feel safe again. But still afraid. Always afraid.

"Do you want some water?" he doesn't sound friendly. Maybe he's angry with me. Either way, he's offering his assistance, so I manage to croak out "yes" before collapsing back into the pillows. He lifts my head gently to help me sip the liquid; the burning in my throat gradually begins to cease. The cup is placed back on the table before it's quite extinguished, but I don't complain. At least Miharu tried. Miharu always tries his best for me, I love him so much for it.

I wish there was something I could do repay him, but I'll be dust before that day comes. _Oh, Miharu. _

"Are you getting up? Do you need my help with anything?" there's something casual in his voice.

"No thanks, Miharu. I'll be fine. You've done enough."

He backs off. Nervously, I begin to wake myself up; bending my arm down to scout around on the floor for my jumper. Miharu hands it to me in a heartbeat. I smile wanly. It's the first time in days he's really tried to be nice.

"Get dressed quickly. We've got to get going soon." The ice in his voice is an unwelcome parallel. Disconcerted, I take the jumper from him and slide it on over my head with a small, meek nod. I want to talk to him, but I can't. There's something stopping me.

I love Miharu.

**Please review, it's muchly appreciated! Next chapter will be out hopefully soon - suggestions?**


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